It’s been hard for me to write lately because I’ve been so scared. I’ve been in my own head. I thought I had beat my cancer and out of nowhere it came back, in my brain and was the scariest thing I’ve ever dealt with.
I was able to have the tumor removed and will have radiation next week for any residual and then we hope, pray, scan, monitor and have possible treatment to keep me here as long as possible.
Just about a month after my brain surgery I had a seizure which was also terrifying. My one leg started shaking uncontrollably and next thing I know I passed out and woke up in the hospital. I did have some post op swelling which caused the seizure and between medication and radiation this will hopefully resolve,
Recovering from brain surgery takes a lot of time and the seizure was a setback but my strength is slowly coming back. I am walking further than I did prior to the seizure, based on evaluations my arm and leg strength on the weaker side appear to be coming back. I am feeling more stable and stronger and able to do a little more each day.
The hard part is also mentally. The seizure was so sudden and scary that I worry or overanalyze every little thing. I get caught up googling and worrying and exhausting myself instead of focusing on what I can do.
I have moments where I realize wow I am making progress, this is good. It’s only been a month out from my surgery and almost two weeks from a seizure. It takes a long time to recover from all this so I’m doing ok.
I’m trying to do simple, easy outings: the boys baseball games, a library activity that isn’t crazy, fishing at a local lake. Trying to slowly do some “normal” things. And it has been great to do.
I have changed and cleaned up my diet to include both brain healthy and cancer fighting foods. I’m consuming more fruits and veggies than ever. I’m making my own fruit bowls, I don’t think I’ll put Frutta Bowls or Pitaya Bowls out of business but I’m getting better with each attempt. I’m limiting sugar to a minimal and going low carb. I’m eating a lot of nuts, whole grains, healthy fats, tumeric and any other things I can do to help keep me healthy.
I’m terrified of a another recurrence and the future but I need to take it day by day. I’m trying to rest when I can but have trouble sleeping probably because I’m so stressed. All I can focus on is getting stronger and recovering from the brain surgery and seizure and control what I can. I can do the things I am able to do even if it’s not much and enjoy each day and moments with my kids.
This is incredibly challenging because I am so limited but I’m here and that’s all that matters. I have seen progress especially over this past week and I need to continue to move forward no matter how long it takes.