Mother’s Day is a tough holiday for me. On one hand I am incredibly blessed to have five healthy children who are my world and make me smile and laugh every day. It’s also a difficult day because my mom is no longer here and I miss her terribly. She was my biggest supporter and an amazing mother and I hate that she can’t be here with her now five grandchildren.
It’s not until you become a mother yourself that you fully understand and appreciate all your mom did for you and she did a lot. She never stopped caring about me and my brother even in her final hours. She was the most selfless person I ever knew and was a wonderful mother.
It’s hard because mom died when Chase was just 9 months old. It pains me so much that she couldn’t spend more time with him and that she never got to meet Shane, Reese, Alice and Bryce. I know she would adore all of them as much as she adored Chase.
There is so much I wanted to ask her and talk to her about as I became a parent but never got the chance to. We talked almost daily and I hate that I can’t share all the things we would talk about anymore. So yes this holiday is rough.
But one thing I try to do is think of what she would do for my brother and I. There are so many things I do that I look at and realize I am my mother. She would do these things for us.
And that’s when I know I’m doing a good job. I know there’s a lot she did that I can’t even come close to because she was so good, but I’m trying. And to be able to carry out some of her traditions and things she did for our family is one of the best things about being a mother.
So today is hard. I’m so lucky and grateful for my five healthy and beautiful kids. They have helped me stay positive during this cancer battle. They helped me focus on my health as I was 8 weeks pregnant with Shane when mom died. Shane was fine and healthy and gave me a positive focus during a difficult time much like Bryce gave my a positive focus throughout this cancer battle.
So for those who have mothers, enjoy this day and every minute or call you have with them. There are times I get filled with lots of envy knowing you have that important person in your life that I no longer have. But I remind myself of things my mom and I would talk about and the good times we had and I have learned to appreciate all I learned from the most amazing woman I know. And that jealousy fades away.
I had 34 years with her. I certainly wish I had a lot more, but she taught me well. And I hope she is smiling down and thinks I’m doing an ok job as a mom. I won’t be as amazing as she was, but I’m sure going to try to live up to the incredible legacy she set.
Happy Mother’s Day! Love and miss you Mom and Grandma!