I know I just wrote about the finish line so how am I back at the starting line? The nerves of the start of the race are something that come up at various times in life. And since sports was such a big part of my life it was another comparison I found myself thinking of.
The hardest part is getting there. Prior to reaching the starting line is all the work: the track laps, hills, core work, many miles and many workouts that go into a season.
The starting line is where all the nerves are. You anxiously await the gun to go off to begin the race. You mentally focus on what lies ahead. You know the race will hurt but you are going to try your best.
I’m at the starting line. My bilateral mastectomy is tomorrow and I’m nervous as hell. When I’ve been super nervous I reach the point where I almost psyche myself out and don’t want to do something and think I can’t get through it. And these feelings are creeping in my head today.
I remember being so nervous before my Regional xc meet senior year (the starting line of this race is the posted pic). I remember thinking I just don’t want to race I’m so nervous. And it was fine. In fact it was what I would consider my best college xc race. I ran great and so did our team. We were Region champs and I placed 7th overall. All those nerves for nothing.
Then the other times I can think of being super nervous were before having each of my kids. Childbirth hurts a lot and each time I was beyond scared. And guess what each time, everything was fine and went well. Once again all the nerves for nothing.
And these nerves have surfaced again. Because I have surgery and a long recovery ahead. I’m worried about how limited I will be and how much I won’t be able to do. But I also know this is what I need to do to rid myself of this cancer.
It’s fine and perfectly normal to be very nervous before a race or sports game, before birth and before surgery. And I’m hoping just like with the races and births, all this buildup and all the nerves I go through are for nothing and things will be fine.
Just like a race and childbirth, the surgery is going to hurt. But I can get through it. It won’t be easy, but I can do it.
The hardest part is all the work that leads up to the championship race. It’s all the training you put in for months so you can peak and run your best at the end of the season. It’s all the long runs, hilly loops, speed workouts and training you have done and pushed through. You’ve gotten through that and now comes the final race to give it your all and use all that training to perform at your best.
It’s the same with childbirth. It’s nine months of discomfort, muscle pains, nausea, worries about the baby and if they are ok. And then comes the delivery which in my case was always long as 4 of my 5 kids had to be induced. But despite the many contractions and pain, you know you need to get through it in order to meet your beautiful baby.
And with this surgery, there has been months of chemotherapy. These months have been exhausting. There’s been a lot of nausea, hair loss and fatigue but I’ve gotten through it. And I know I need to get through this surgery in order to hopefully see an end to this cancer.
So here I am back at the starting line full of nerves. But just like I’ve gotten through each race and birth I can get through this surgery even if I’m limited for a bit.
#bilateralmastectomy #breastcancersurgery #nervousaboutsurgery #breastreconstruction #preracejitters #thestartingline #onetoughmother