When you and your husband are both very independent people, it’s hard to ask for help. If we do ask for help, we need it.
Asking for help has probably been one of the hardest things for me to do throughout this cancer journey but I’ve learned to accept help that is offered and ask when it’s needed.
We were very fortunate to have help this entire week since I had my surgery. We have our regular summer sitter covering the day and our sitter who watched the kids throughout the school year came each evening after I had surgery to help get the kids eat dinner and get ready for bed. She moved an hour away but is still around this month and has been a huge help each night.
While hurting our bank accounts because of the extra help we need, I’ve learned to not worry about the finances now, we need the help with how tired I’ve been during chemo and now with how limited I’ve been since the surgery.
I’ll also add that Chris has been amazing, handling almost everything the kids need since I can’t do much of anything right now.
So we had weekday help covered but the weekend has hit and we don’t have help today and I’m feeling very frustrated. I’m sorry I need help. I’m sorry I’m so limited. I’m sorry it’s an inconvenience to others’ schedules that we need help. I’m sorry my cancer and surgery are an inconvenience. I’m mad and hurt and I know I shouldn’t be but I am.
I hate not being able to do much of anything but read, sleep and watch TV. I hate that my summer will be inconvenienced and limited because of this surgery. I hate that I can’t take care of Bryce now or play with the kids or take them to things like the St. Greg’s carnival like we usually do this week every year.
But the surgery was necessary. The surgery hopefully marks an end of sorts to this cancer.
That still doesn’t take away the frustration of my limitations right now. How I feel like a burden. How I feel bad for Chris who has to do so much because I can’t do much of anything.
But it’s all temporary. My limitations are just like my frustration at the lack of help we have today. We have gotten through lots of other situations without help, granted I was much more capable, but we had days I was exhausted from chemo and had no help and managed. So we will manage this and this too shall pass. Sometimes we all need to vent out our pent up frustration and this is one of those times for me.
#bilateralmastectomy #breastreconstruction #surgeryrecovery #learningmylimits #askforhelp #onetoughmother