I finally went into the office this week. It was so nice to see my coworkers and talk with them. I realized I’ll adjust to this new role and be fine. Now I know the rest of this post sounds bitter and jealous and mean but I got a lot to get out after all I’ve been through and deal with this next hurdle of returning to work.
I knew how fmla and disability work and that I could lose my position because of how long I’d been out. It sucks but life isn’t always fair. I thought I did a pretty good job running the pool and fitness center, brought in more revenue than ever before, safely reopened the facilities following a pandemic and got excellent evaluations. And my reward following a nearly year long battle with a life threatening illness is I lost the position.
What’s worse is I know who took my position. This person apparently wanted out of the position they had on campus and were reassigned to my job. Now things could have been bad I don’t know. But I want to say oh you were unhappy in your old job. How many of us are happy every day at work? How many of us have issues or people we face sometimes daily that drive us crazy? It happens, it’s life.
Guess what I didn’t want to deal with? Cancer and chemo and a mastectomy and a staph infection and multiple surgeries. I had to deal with being told I had cancer while 23 weeks pregnant. I had to deal with being told Bryce had a possible heart issue and undergo a special cardio test for him while 36 weeks pregnant and thank god he was fine. I had to deal with an incision that opened up due to a staph infection and required another surgery. I wish I didn’t have to deal with any of this, but I did. Life is hard and we have to learn to rise up to meet the challenges.
I had to deal with a fitness center and pool member that complained and yelled at me almost daily. I wanted her membership revoked but was told just try to ignore her and I tried my best. I found out my replacement got her thrown out, probably because they couldn’t handle any bullying (not that we should put up with that but it happens).
I had to deal with a swim instructor who would demean me in front of parents, other instructors and my lifeguards just because she disagreed with our policies. I had to leave family outings to deal with pool issues.
I had to deal with daily complaints about a new machine that replaced an old machine some members (who don’t like change at all) loved while in my final trimester with Alice and just sit there and listen and try not to get too emotional. I had to try to resolve an issue with the pool minutes before going under anesthesia before my d and c following a miscarriage.
I had to deal with a lot of shit. Did it suck, yes? Are there times I hated it, yes? But I took it and put up with it because it’s my job. I didn’t complain, I didn’t run away from it. I learned from it and believe dealing with challenges made me better at my job.
Jobs aren’t always convenient and life isn’t always convenient. We have to learn to take shit sometimes because work and life aren’t always easy.
I hope I can eventually get past the bitterness I have towards my replacement who got my job because I had cancer and they asked for a change. It’s not fair but life isn’t and I’m very fortunate to have a better opportunity awaiting me.
I couldn’t take the easy way and dealt head on with cancer while pregnant and raising five young kids which has been incredibly challenging. I never shied away from anything I had to do: chemo, a double mastectomy, immunotherapy. These are all just hurdles to overcome. They have made me tougher and made me appreciate things more.
So if I’m bitter it’s because I know what hard is, I know what challenging is and I put up with a lot of shit only to lose the position due to no fault of my own. I don’t take the easy way out ever so maybe that’s what I’m so bitter and resentful.
Big picture I need to move on and forget about the hurt, the feelings, the judgments I have of my replacement because it doesn’t matter. I have a very good opportunity that I’m sure will grow on me as I get back into the swing of work. And more importantly I kicked cancer’s ass and have an amazing baby boy (along with 4 other pretty amazing kids). So what my replacement did to take my job or what she does in my job doesn’t matter. All that matters is I’m here and thriving. It’s just hard to move on and let it go, especially when you care about your job as much as I did.
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