Since yesterday was my mom’s birthday I wanted to talk about the club I’m in that no one wants to belong to. It’s the I lost my mom too early club. Losing a parent is incredibly difficult at any age but when it’s at a younger age it’s especially hard.
The pain gets a little better with time as “time heals all wounds” but it’s still there. As a coworker of mine told me about holidays without his dad he said “it doesn’t get easier but you get more used to them not being there” and that’s a perfect way to describe what happens when you lose a loved one.
The pain is felt particularly at holidays and on Mother’s Day. The pain is felt seeing friends and families get to share their kids with their mothers. The pain is felt in knowing there is just so much mom missed out on and it’s just not fair.
I am grateful I got to spend 34 years with my mom but wish there was so much more time I could have spent with her. I hate that she only met one of her five grandkids. She absolutely adored Chase and I know she would love Shane, Reese, Alice and Bryce. There’s so many parenting things I would love to ask her. There’s so much I appreciate now that I am a parent myself. She was my biggest supporter and my best friend. We talked almost every day. She was the best.
I do know that there are things I do or times I go wow I’m becoming my mom. And it’s those times I know I’m doing ok as a parent as I’m following the amazing example she left behind. The best way to honor her is to try to follow some of the wonderful things she did with my brother and I. I can’t be as good as she was but I try.
It’s not easy being in the lost my mother club. There’s resentment of those who still have their mothers, there are frequent moments of sadness at the lost of the most important figure in my life, there is anger at the loss of someone so special and important to me.
But I have learned that living the way she did is the best way to honor her and keep her present in our lives. Even if she is no longer here, she lives on through me and my kids. She will always be a part of my life and our lives even if she is no longer here.
#missingmom #losingaparent #deathofaparent #raisingkidswithoutyourmom #onetoughmother