This time last year I was preparing to welcome Bryce into the world. I knew he was going to be induced at 38 weeks. I became a nervous wreck before every birth but this fifth and final one was different. Yes I was nervous about the birth itself and how painful and long it would be but I was so so worried about Bryce.
Was our baby boy going to be healthy? Would he have any problems because he went through half my chemo with me? Then there were the worries I had. How will I have the energy to push this baby out? How will I be able to handle a newborn and 4 young kids and chemo when that resumes in two weeks?
Ironically this was probably one of my easiest births, not quick, but it went as well as it could have. All I wanted was a healthy baby boy in my arms. Ultrasounds and non stress tests had indicated he was ok but until I held him myself I couldn’t be sure.
And when he arrived he was just perfect. He was bigger than I thought he would be (7 lbs, 12 ounces) which was fine because it meant he was healthy. He was the best thing we could have asked for during such a difficult and challenging time for us.
And as he got bigger and as the time passed all the worries I had about him faded. As soon as he could smile, his face would light up and he continues to light up his room with his full smile.
The worries then shifted to just me. Will I be ok? Will the chemo work? How hard will the mastectomy be? How will I get through half the chemo which will be weekly versus once every three weeks with the first half after just having a baby?
Thankfully following my mastectomy last June we got the best possible news and I was declared cancer free. There’s still a ton of fear and worry but not like there was this time last year which was filled with so much uncertainty about both myself and Bryce.
Last year I had no hair at this time, was so exhausted from the chemo and pregnancy, and never thought I would have come so far in just a year. This year I have a pretty good set of hair back, in fact I’m actually considering a hair cut soon! I’m not completely wiped out all day and I look so much better than I did at this time last year.
I don’t like to look back at the past year often because it brings up so much emotion of the scary process of cancer during pregnancy. But as we get close to Bryce’s first birthday I found myself reflecting on just how far I’ve come in a year.
I still have reconstruction work to get done, ovaries to get out and lots of medical follow up. But I hope and pray the worst is over.
Right now I’m going to focus on that I’m here and healthy and have an amazing little boy who is truly a miracle.
It’s crazy how much things can change in a year. I’m so grateful for getting the outcomes I got and for the beautiful gift I was given around this time last year. I will never take for granted just how far I’ve come and how lucky I am and how precious our baby Bryce is.
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