We are beyond blessed and grateful for the five healthy children we have been able to have. But between Reese and Alice we lost a baby very early on the pregnancy. I had a missed miscarriage, which is when there are no signs of a miscarriage. It wasn’t until my first prenatal appointment and no heartbeat was detected that we learned something was wrong.
Even though we had three healthy kids at the time the shock and loss hurt more than I ever thought. I remember seeing the baby on the ultrasound screen and feeling like I let this baby down. I must have done something to cause their miscarriage. I didn’t want to learn the gender or think about the baby that could have been and would have been due around this time of year.
It’s amazing how much we love someone we have never met. That’s what makes a pregnancy loss so hard. Yes it was easier because it was early on in the pregnancy versus later but it still hurt. It was still rough. It was still very difficult to go through.
I had to have a d and c to remove the baby I lost. Fortunately it’s a quick procedure with an easy recovery.
Even more fortunate was that about three months later I got pregnant again. And almost a year to date from my d and c I had my rainbow baby girl, Alice.
Miscarriages happen about one in every four pregnancies. I hit that statistic exactly. This was my fourth pregnancy. I was one in four.
We don’t talk about miscarriage enough. Perhaps because it’s such a difficult topic. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s very rarely our fault. I felt so ashamed after mine and so full of guilt that I had done too much and caused this. It hurt more than I could have imagined.
I learned to appreciate the previous healthy pregnancies I had even more and cherish each of my five children that much more.
I don’t often talk about this loss because I don’t like to think about the poor baby I lost. The baby I thought I failed. The baby that didn’t get a chance. It’s hard to talk about and share about the baby we never met. The baby we didn’t even really get the chance to plan much for because we lost so early. But this baby is not forgotten just like the miscarriage is not forgotten. And on certain days we are reminded of the loss of our baby, certain days like today, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Thinking of the baby Wetzel we never met and lost way too soon. Lost but not forgotten.
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